Sunday, September 03, 2006

I'm a little offended that no one commented on my "Three" post, which I found to be:
1. Witty
2. Insightful, and perhaps even
3. Wise.

Whatever, people. Whatever.

So, I was browsing through myspace this morning and realized that I was only clicking on profiles that fell between the ages of 25 and oh, about 33. And it's not as though there aren't people older on myspace...and THEN I was hit with the horrible thought, "Will I still be updating my profile when I'm forty-five!?"

I feel like a big, lonely loser already.

Myspace is such an's a strange, strange world of first impressions. Some people are really good at this, and some people, not so good. (And sometimes, the people who seem to have it down are the ones that you meet in person later and scare the shit out of you.) So, in light of this, I've decided to make a few rules here for making a good first impression on myspace.

1. Please use a profile picture of some sort, be it a cartoon character, a symbol, or a really cheesy senior class picture. I am very shallow, I mean curious and would like to place some sort of mental image with the knowledge I'm gaining about you elsewhere. However, your picture should not include:
a.) You playing your guitar.
b.) You giving the world at large the finger.
c.) You with some girl whose face you've blacked out.
I wil not click on you on principle if you violate this.

2. SPELL CHECK. Remember high school English class? I don't want to look at your profile quote that's all mangled and misspelled. In fact, I've been known not to view an attractive person's profile because he has written something to the tune of, "leave the gun take the cannolly." It's really not that hard to a.) capitalize the first letter of your sentence, and b.) google the word to figure it out. I also don't want to have to take extra seconds reading your profile because you've used numbers and symbols instead of actual letters, or because you haven't taken the time to use punctuation of any sort.

3. Please, for the love of God, do not put that you "love to have fun" (see previous post.)

4. Do not ask to be my friend without accompanying your request with a message of some sort. I don't often walk up to a stranger in the mall and ask them to be my friend without either introducing myself or saying hello first. In fact, if I was just walking up to random people asking them to be my friend, and I was either playing a guitar, giving them the finger or with some person whose face I've blacked out, this would probably be grounds for them to punch me in the face. So please, just even a line that says "hi" is sufficient.

5. Do not proposition me in your messages. I will not be your friend. Apply this principle to the mall scenario...yes, that's right, it makes me want to punch you in the face.

6. Please put something in your "about me" section. Don't put "just ask" or "I am the bomb". I get that you believe that you are some sort of super amazing individual, but frankly, I'm just too lazy to send you a message and ask random, easy questions that you could just as easily have answered for me with minimal effort on your part.

And now that I've just wasted a good half hour writing about this when I could be at the mall asking people to be my friend...

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