Tuesday, May 02, 2006

"What is it with you and penises lately?!"

Oh, Diana Kay...how you can sum up so eloquently one girl's life, I'll never know.

So, Boob Grabber was back the other day. You can imagine my excitement when I saw his name on the schedule, and the warm glow I had for my friends when they cackled and made me work on the little bastard. Actually, he wasn't too bad at first. He was listening pretty well and cooperating, but I had to keep telling him to "Put your arms down." (As a general rule of thumb, when working in a patient's mouth, it can become rather difficult to do your job when the patient has a limb in front of the orifice you're seeking to modify.)

Well, finally, I realized it had been several minutes before I had to (very nicely AND patiently) tell him to freaking put his arms down. Picture then, my extreme joy when I realized that his compliance was not the result of some newfound respect for me (or my boobs) but for a newfound respect for Mr. Winkles. Yes, folks, both hands were adequately occupied wrist-deep in his pants. Did Mommy say anything? No. Did my friends say anything? Unless you count painful laughter as a response, no. Did my boss say anything? Yes. He looked at our secretary (who had unwittingly walked into the situation...and was gazing, horrified, at the spectacle in front of her) and says, deadpan, "He learned that from me." To which I responded with convulsions of laughter and horror and maybe a little throw-up all at the same time.

Diana's comment, though, not only encompasses this most recent experience, but also the privilege I have of working on "Boner Boy", a fifteen-year-old who thanks me for my work with an enormous hard-on. And it's only with me...what I'm doing that the other girls aren't, I'm not exactly sure, but I really wish I knew SO I COULD STOP. The motto, "Some girls got it, some girls don't" is a hellish statement, designed for my profound nausea and embarrassment.

At least I never had to work on the guy who strategically placed his hat over his Jumping Jack and licked the fingers of the girl who was working on him. But I have had a creep say he wouldn't mind seeing me naked.

Funny how that comes up when you're torquing a wire.


Commodore said...

When I was dating my wife, her mother was driving us to an oral surgeon to get my wife's wisdom teeth extracted. Her mother for some reason pulled into an OB/GYN office instead. It prompted me to ask how deeply those teeth were impacted.

Anyway, that is a very interesting tale. I, too, have been turned on by dental hygenists and had to actually focus on the pain in order to prevent the chub.

I guess I may be more descreet than Sarah's patients. Still ...

Commodore said...

Sheesh ... my spelling lately!

Keith H said...

Hey Sarah. Would you be interested in talking on the phone? My email is listed on my site. Drop me a line.