Actual conversation with my sister today:
Me: I need to know what you guys want for Christmas. I'm going shopping after work today.
Heather: Well, Todd needs gift cards. You know what I like. Kate wants boots. I don't know what Ben wants. I haven't asked him. (laughs)
Me: (laughs, too, because Ben is--as yet--unborn) Well, does he want clothes?
Heather: He doesn't really need clothes. The only thing we don't have that he actually needs is a bouncy seat.
Me: Oh, like one of those baby catapults? (refers to great flinging capacities of said seat)
Heather: Yeah! Exactly!
Me: Do you want one of those fancy shmancy vibrating ones? (grins)
Heather: Well, those get more expensive. I just need something that'll hold him.
Me: Isn't that what grocery bags are for?
Heather: (Horrified laughter) You are never babysitting my kids! Ever!
Me: (laughing hysterically now) But grocery bags have handles!! They're great! Very convenient.
Heather: (Weightily, and with great conviction) You're sick.
Actual conversation with Lisa, describing above incident:
Lisa: (Horrifed laughter) You are sick!
Me: "Paper or plastic?"
Lisa: (Practically) Well, they do have handles.
Me: I know!
Lisa: Easy to give them a bath in.
Me: Yeah! Just add water and shake!
Lisa: (Seriously) We're going to hell.
Me: (Plunging gamely ahead) And, you can store the baby and the bag under the sink!
Lisa: (To no one in particular) And she keeps going. This is awful.