There's nothing quite like sitting in a Panera in the lovely city of Findlay, Ohio, while you struggle to keep your eyes open by browsing for quality on the interweb (there's not much) and listening to Spanish guitar music. Yes, I chose to listen to said music on my headphones. Bite me.

When I got to Panera, a VERY friendly clerk was ready to help me with my order. I got my usual (everything bagel with light cream cheese, thanks for asking) and my total came to:

"One hundred million dollars."

Oh, clever, Way Too Happy Man.

He went to prepare my bagel while I fished around for NOT one hundred million dollars, and when he returned:

"Your total comes to one hundred million dollars."

"I seem to be a little short," I commented, dryly.

"No, you seem to be about average height."

(Pause in which I ponder whether to laugh politely or punch this guy in the face.)

"Haha."

"That'll be three eighty-four?"

"Better."

"Okay!!" he replied, still cheerfully (WAY too cheerfully for the hour). "Enjoy yooourrr meal!"

I'm pretty sure a small growl escaped with my mumbled "thanks", but I passed it off as coughing.

NO ONE should be that happy in the morning. The Starbucks people are the same way. I think they're operating under the theory that "Happiness is contagious". Chicken pox are contagious, herpes are contagious...you might even say that bad ideas are contagious, but happiness is a choice. I choose to not be happy until after ten in the morning and three cups of bowel immobilizing sludge (a.k.a. coffee that I make).

I also choose to end this post forthwith. I need more coffee.