Monday, January 08, 2007

Congratulations, fellow bloggers. We are officially completely self-absorbed.

In other news, Lisa and I just got back from the most boring lunch ever...with each other. Rather than give you a play by play (which I'm sure you can't wait to hear since I've already dubbed it "the most boring lunch ever"), I'm going to write a short one-act chronicling our experience.

Loose Change: a One Act Play Inspired by Actual Events
By: Sarah

(The stage is set stage center with a small table for two. Stage left is a mock conveyor belt scattered with used trays. Everything, including table, chairs and any props are painted a dull gray to represent the mind-numbing aura of a large Multi-National Corporation. Even though they are alone, both actors should pretend they are surrounded by other tables and chairs, as well as throngs of people in this "cafeteria" setting. Sarah, an extremely attractive woman in her late twenties, enters upstage left carrying a tray of food, and looks around to find a place to sit. She spies the table and seats herself and begins eating. Lisa, another attractive woman in her mid-twenties, enters several seconds later also from stage left and looks around as if trying to find someone. Sarah waves her hand, and Lisa joins her at the table and also begins to eat.)

Lisa: You got a salad?
Sarah: Yeah!
Lisa: (snidely) Why? Are you trying to be healthy?
Sarah: (cheerily) No. I actually just really wanted one!
Lisa: Oh. I didn't.
(silence ensues for a full five minutes as Sarah and Lisa eat and "observe" their surroundings. Actually, Lisa does no such thing, but focuses on her food like it's the last supper.)
Sarah: (seeing Lisa's clean plate) Whoah. Someone was hungry.
Lisa: Yeah.
Sarah: (indicating salad) I love spinach!
Lisa: Me too! But I don't like it cooked. It gets all mushy.
Sarah: Well, I like it in things. Like pasta.
Lisa: Maybe that's why I don't like brownies.
Sarah: (disbelieving) You don't like brownies?
Lisa: I don't like the texture.
Sarah: Oh. You're weird.
(another five minutes of silence)
Lisa: When do you want to leave today?
Sarah: I dunno. Whenever.
Lisa: I need to take a nap before the big game.
Sarah: Yeah. I need to re-shower.
Lisa: Me too.
Lisa: This is awful.
Sarah: I know.
Lisa: It's like a bad blind date.
Sarah: (changing subject) Everybody's wearing red for the game.
Lisa: Cuuute.
Sarah: I'd rather be working than sitting here like this.
Lisa: (incredulous) But you'd rather have your teeth pulled out than do actual work.
Sarah: (blandly) I'd rather be working than sitting here like this.
Lisa: (laughs) Let's go.
(silence as the pair gather up their trays and head for the exit stage left. They set down their trays on conveyor belt and continue walking for the exit)
Sarah: (thoughtfully) I don't like nickels.
Lisa: I don't think anything lower than a quarter should exist. It's ridiculous.
Sarah: Ooooh, but I love dimes! They're little!
Lisa: Me too!
(Both women look at each other for a second, then burst into laughter at the new low their conversation has sunk to.)
Sarah: I'll see you after work. (exits upstage left)
Lisa: Yeah. Bye. (exits downstage left)
(Lights down.)


Steve said...

That was truly awful. A new low. You all deserve congratulations from society.

KL said...

Sarah, don't you think Lisa is gonna get pissed at you for referring to yourself as "extremely attractive" and to her as only "attractive"?

Hey, are you guys going to that ECP awards thingie? I think I can do it if I maybe get mind-numbing drunk beforehand. I'll be sure to thank you in my acceptance speech. (That was a joke.) Love ya!

Sarah said...

Haha, KL, Lisa already pointed it out. I wasn't intentionally doing that...I thought it would be inferred that she was also EXTREMELY attractive...but I suppose some people just need it spelled out. ;)

Probably not going to the awards...but please, please take pictures if you do get wasted.